Come meet my pookies!! Gonna divide them between characters that appear in season one (2014 - 2016) and characters that appear in season two (2018 - ongoing).
"You're late. And... You didn't finish the job."
The titular Sae!! From Sae-ism!! Get it? Sae-ism? Sadism? Because she's definitely got that in her. She doesn't actually have a cool ass scythe in the series, sorry :( Anyways she's our yandere; she's beautiful, popular, athletic, talented and batshit insane. She's the real protagonist btw. Tohru himself said that he didn't intend to write yuri or horror or whatever specific genre, he just wanted to write "a manga where Sae Maki messes things up", and that's exactly what it is baybe. Watch her solve all of her problems with violence and inexplicably get out of life-threatening situations! She's also stuck in a cycle of premature death and reincarnation!! Isn't that cool?? Not so much for her!! Basically, "Sae Maki" is the name that the eldest daughter of the Maki family inherits, throughout the generations, ever since the Meiji period (which was 1868 - 1912); each Sae dies prematurely to give birth to her successor, which is also called Sae Maki, and the cycle repeats. Also, whoever marries her becomes the head of the Nazo corporation, a super powerful and rich and secret company that sells weapons and is super powerful and rich and secret. Yeah, that's how it works. This one in particular is Sae the ninth. I liked it when she said "It's Saeing time!" and Saed all over the place.
← god forbid women do anything
"You guys have no idea... what kind of things have happened to me!..."
This is Misao the """protagonist"""". Quotes because yes she is technically the second protagonist but she doesn't do anything and she has No Personality she's just there for the other cooler characters to act upon. No that's not a skill issue from Tohru why would you think that 🙄🙄🙄🙄 This is the natural order of things and the world is perfect & beautiful like this
"My shampoo is unscented, you know."
This edgelord is Sae's ARCH-NEMESIS, and the first person - outside of Sae's victims, or "slaves" as he calls them - to know her true nature. His reason for being Sae's ARCH-NEMESIS is that he was friends with one of her victims, Ena Takanashi, who was killed for refusing to put up with Sae's shit. He regrets not being able to save her, so now he tries to at least save Misao. Also he's the first character to appear in the series excluding the two protagonists Sae and Misao. He's mostly known for his 3D printed guns and for his SUPER COOL COSTUMES you should see them. Basically every time he goes around doing shady things he wears a different costume and its so funny. Do you want to see him dressed as an housewife? Because you'll see him dressed as an housewife. Do you want to see him shirtless with bandaids over his nipples? Because you'll see him shirtless with bandaids over his nipples. (I'm over here advertising Sae-ism for free, hire fans) (especially if you have only one fan) He's also in a band with his bestie Shibako. He's an icon, he's a legend, and he IS the moment. What a man... Che uomo!
"It's been a while since I've tailed someone and secretly recorded them..."
This is Ran and I love her. She's an ace reporter who almost always acts on the basis of her immense curiosity, often acting recklessly and getting in danger just to satisfy her thirst for knowledge. In fact she gets involved into the story simply because she's curious about Sae's true nature.She then becomes more and more friends with Misao, and their dynamic is so nice because Ran is her polar opposite: she's blunt, energetic, bold to the point of being reckless, witty, outgoing and extreeeeeemely lucky. She literally has plot armor thicker than elephant skin and she constantly mentions how luck is on her side and she cannot die and stuff. She thinks it's because of some "magic" bracelets Shibako gave her when they were kids (since he did actually avert her death thanks to his powers a few times in the past), but in a panel he said that those are actually just his grandma's prayer beads. We may never know. Anyways it's such a joy seeing her on screen because she's so lively and just a great character all around. She also has a super kitsch customized motorcycle.
"Nobody listens to my advice..."
This guy is Ran's childhood friend, he plays the bass and he can see people's future when he holds their hand, but only when they're in danger of dying. Yeah it just happens. He looks and acts like he listens to Radiohead, I think that's the most eloquent description I can give. He's besties with Kokai and he's in a band with him where they dress like stupid fucking clowns. He's pretty emo and he always speaks with ellipses and with this strange shaky textbox but I like him, and his dynamic with Ran is also interesting. He's got some very cool eyes, check them out
"Because I simply like her, that's all. Is that not allowed?"
There's a new one! The Sae from the first part died and, after a year, this one appeared out of nowhere freaking everyone out. She's even more dangerous than the previous Sae and her freak is UNMATCHED, because she's got a different, more fucked up backstory, that I won't explain here because it deserves its own space in the volumes section (it is probably the most disturbing part in the whole series, and that's saying a lot). For now I can sum it up as: Sae the seventh gave birth to twins, one of them was supposed to be killed, but Tazuru spared her and brought her to a remote village where she was raised, unaware of the Maki family and the Nazo corporation. This Sae is the daughter of that twin who was spared. When Sae the ninth (the one from the first volume) died without a heir, Tazuru asked this Sae to take her place in the Maki family.
She also obsesses over Misao because [gestures broadly at my 6300-words analysis of her] No kidding I fucking love her so much and she's such a different experience compared to Sae the ninth, a way more complex and compelling and head-scratching and heart-wrenching character UGH. You think she's crazy? You should see her dad!
Oh my god. Tazuru. My darling dearest. My favourite. The best character ever. I can't and won't be normal about her. I fell in love with her at first sight - just look at her character design and tell me it's not the greatest thing ever. Her backstory is one of the best parts of the manga, and she is my favourite character whom I am a bit too attached to. (Read my review of volume 9 to hear me crying, screaming and throwing up about her!) She has been the steward of the Maki family for about 50 years - and she's about 60 years old. I know, 60 year olds dont really look like that, but shes built different I guess. She swore to Sae the sixth that she would protect her descendants, and she will stop at nothing to keep that promise. She has some beef going on with the new Sae because she doesn't want her to go near Misao - whom she blames for the previous Sae's death - and the new Sae obviously disagrees with this. But Tazuru just wants to protect her, as she has done with every single Sae for 50 years. In general her life purpose is to protect Sae, but she unvoluntarily ends up reinforcing her cycle of suffering. How could I not love such a dramatic character... Oh Tazuru. I love you and your... Wrist daggers.
"As for me, I just couldn't forget about Sae..."
Ah yes Madoka. My poor baby and my insane killing machine. In the first part we learned through a brief flashback that Sae's second "slave", Madoka Kobayashi, disappeared along with her family when she rejected Sae's love. But we weren't shown what happened to them after that. Well, THIS happened: once Madoka was kidnapped, she was brainwashed and became one of Sae's servants, dedicating her life to her. After Sae died, she went back to her hometown to track down and kill Misao, whom she thought was to blame for her mistress' death. She's an incredible character and her arc, in particular her redemption, is one of the best parts of the series. She's insane and a jerk but her story is actually heartbreaking, you can't help but feel sorry for her. Also she's so funny sometimes. She's so dramatic and I love her.
"[...] and all I got was this lousy t-shirt."
Sae-ism's male thirst trap. This himbo is the husband of the new Sae Maki, but he's surprisingly cool about it. He's just in it to be the head of the Nazo corporation (you just KNOW he spends all the money on conditioner because his hair is always on fleek), and he lets her live in a female separatist disney castle with her sex slave and also lets her beat him up. He's a greedy arrogant piece of shit. Sorry guys this pic of his ass is the only decent one I could find, but if you hmu I'll send you all the volumes and you can look at his twink face and outfits for as long as you like. Do you want to see him in a fursuit? Because you'll see him in a fursuit. He also vapes and the first time we see him he's just sucking on his dorky ass vape. He looks and acts like he would be called a tumblr sexyman in 2014... And I dont know why?? Does Tohru really think any straight girls or gay guys are reading his manga? Anyways he's kinda funny so he gets a pass. For now. Who am I kidding he's super funny he makes me CACKLE I want to put him in a washing machine and just watch him SPIN. I kinda stan him because he's an arrogant dangerous asshole but at the same time he's so fucking goofy and dumb. What a specimen. He's iconic.
← his reaction when he discovered gay people
In the words of Tendo, "Sae Maki's one and only bestie!", and in my words, "unlovable worthless waste of air". This goofy goober is the new Sae's childhood friend from when she lived in bumfuck nowhere, and he's really determined to make her go back to how she was when they were friends. He's supposed to be a positive endearing character but honestly I think he's a clown... I love bullying him and talking shit about him ♥ He's kinda homophobic.
(there are others but suck literal ass, even more than Kai. Check out the thoughts section 😀)